I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i think i have two assholes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Two words: nipple clamps
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