you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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