You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didn't notice because vodka
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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