I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
