Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i permit you to call me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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