I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
