I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
