I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
