Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
