Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
