do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
