taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
