Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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