Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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