People in love make me want to vomit
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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