I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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