okay pat passed out under dana's car
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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