my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
