talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
