an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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