So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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