i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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