I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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