This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
