Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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