omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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