Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
