Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
