So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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