please come you make the beer taste better
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
