I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize