FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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