Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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