my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
