Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
