You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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