I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
