Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
