my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
