I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
