he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
