as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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