Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
