He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
