I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
