i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize