I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
A+ Viking dick
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
