Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
