dude i'm inner monologue high
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
