i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
