Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Please don't give away my fajitas
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
