God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
