He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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