There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize