We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
the raccoons are back...
Randomize