Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
