Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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