We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
