Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
