what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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