Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We need to rekindle our bromance
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize