I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
