so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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