I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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