I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
