I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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