I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
