I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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