Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
